Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
