I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
