He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
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