I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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