Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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