He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
