I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize