I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
