You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
