Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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