she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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