Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
