Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ketchup is God's man juice
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
