just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
