I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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