The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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