Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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