The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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