I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
