No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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