no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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