the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
