Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
