I have demons in me.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I understand Curling. That high.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
