Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
