I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
