What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
