omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
