I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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