ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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