honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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