I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
