69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
