if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We got so high we made milksteak
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize