I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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