foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
