From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
