just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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