Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
