I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
