ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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