my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
