i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize