I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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