my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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