Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
