getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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