Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
