You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
