how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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