my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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