toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
