Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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