dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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