Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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