is your mom at the bar?
I just gift wrapped bread.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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