saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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