Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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