you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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