She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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