omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I came so hard my ears popped.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
