I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
