don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
