her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
