Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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