I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
