its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
