his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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