i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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