I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
