I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she looked like the before picture.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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