oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
