my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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