based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
