pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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