Jerry, you need to find god
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
