the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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