Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
