i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize