Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
vagina is talking i cant
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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