turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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