dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
