i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
