Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
