K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
