i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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