The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
